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Military Only

July 10, 2011

I was the lead Character in a Neil Labute play. It was playing at a large theater in Edinburgh. The run was going very well. I went to use the bathroom in the break between acts in the Saturday evening show. Tim Currie said that he never knew how to get to the bathroom from the cast area.

The second half of the show started when I was still on the toilet. I didn’t have time to go backstage for my entrance, so decided to start from the audience. While I was waiting, Emma Lord came up to me to congratulate me on the performance. She had had a bit to drink. She told me that I was her favorite actor in the play, “well, maybe John. No, you. You are great.” She held my hand and was very flirty. I was a bit over-whelmed. My scene started after a hobo-lady was removed from the premises. I was still distracted by what Emma had said. I got on stage and completely forgot my lines. Somebody had parked an old van in front of the scene. I ruined the show.

The next day I was walking toward the beach. I had left my bag there the night before, distraught about the show. It had my props inside, which I needed for the Sunday Matinee. I stopped for some sushi at a small shop on the way. The owner asked me where I lived. “Kanamecho,” I said. “I once did a poo on Kanamecho,” he said. Everybody in the store laughed. I chose one sushi roll. It came to 1485 yen. Everybody laughed again.

I was walking beside the beach. Thunder clouds formed over head. There was a military base in the area. One soldier told me a secret about how to get out of the rain. He flicked a switch and a wooden plank formed in front of me. To get out of the rain one had to crawl underneath it. It went for three kilometers. He told me that the military only used it when somebody was trying to impress a date. It took a lot longer than just walking.


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