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An Audition at the Crosby Street Park

December 5, 2007

I was doing some shopping on a very dark day and I thought I’d go to Governors cafe for a break. There was a lot of pressure on me to take this cafe break. I sat down in one of the very dark booths and Andrew A and Timothy Kenard both told me, very seriously, that I should try the cake. I got up and went to the counter. There were stars everywhere. The guys from Retrophonic Funk Machine (Tim, Andy, and Hamish) were serving behind the counter. They were really friendly and comforted me a bit. Andy told me that ordering didn’t have to be such a big ordeal. Tim asked me for my order. I looked at the cake display. I ordered some Lemon Meringue Pie, but then I saw the (very delicious looking) Pumpkin Pie and had to order it (it kind of looked like the soup I made last night). It had a lot of cream on it. Hamish said the pie was kind of weird and intense. I got really excited and said, “I LOVE weird and intense!”. I paid and left the shop.

When I got home I opened my bag thinking I would eat something. Then I remembered I left the pie at Governors on the table and hadn’t eaten any of it. I was so annoyed at myself. I really wanted that pie.

Mum said not to worry because there was an audition at the Crosby street park, but it was very soon. Scott said he would read my dream journal if I went to the audition. I didn’t have much time so I ran throught the desert with a lot of fast editing, montage style. I got there just before it started.

The main meeting happened at the swings. The lead singer from SMAP said that all good actors are American. To prove how American we were, we had to be chucked around by the members of SMAP (what do they even look like?). When we got through the first round (and were very bruised) we went over to the seesaw for the next meeting. SMAP then told us that we had to be versatile. I said that I could do Brittish too. The critic had tears in his eyes because he was so happy to have such a talented actor at the audition. SMAP had to check if it was true, so they picked up the whole seesaw (with us on it) and threw it on to the road above the park. That hurt much more than the grass. I was bleeding rather badly. I really wanted the part so I said very triumphantly, “but I’m actually from New Zealand!” in a New Zealand accent. ….the music stopped (what music?), everyone gasped…

The critic laughed and said, “Brittish and American actors are amazing, but New Zealand is pathetic.”

I pinned the critic to the ground and rubbed his face in the dirt. He shouted at me to let him go. The lead singer from SMAP thought it looked funny and joined in. The critic’s cards went everywhere.

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